I Miss People Before They Even Leave

"She could feel herself getting sentimental,

which she always was.

Sometimes she missed people before they even left her,

got depressed about a 

vacation being over before it started."

-Jennifer Close

Megan found this quote for me and it describes me perfectly.


I do this all the time. I'm always thinking ahead to things ending or people leaving me before it even happens and before they've even left.


Like my A-Listers. I've been missing them since I met them because the day will come where I'll leave Idaho and so will they and we'll all be spread out all over the world, separated by our own lives.

Like College. Iv'e been missing college life the whole time I've been living it for the past 3 years because in one year I'll graduate and College will be a memory, a dream, and something I long for. 

Like our upcoming Beach Trip. Half the time I'm saying to Megan "In 5 days we will literally be at the beach!" and the other half of the time I'm saying to her "In 2 weeks, our beach trip will be over..."

Like Moxie. I have a hard time not focusing on the fact that, despite how I tell myself my sweet girl is immortal, one day she is going to pass away.

Like being Homesick. I think I might be the only person who can make themselves homesick while they're sitting in their own house with their entire family surrounding them. But I do. I can make myself cry myself to sleep in my own bed, in my own house, because I've myself made homesick. I've honestly never been more homesick than when I was home.

Who does this?! What is this?!


I don't know why I do this. But I've been doing it for as long as I can remember. I obsess over making sure that I am making the most of everything, documenting everything perfectly, and savoring it for as long as I can because in the back of my mind I'm thinking about how it's going to end, be over, and gone forever. 


I'm not sure if this is a good thing but I feel like it's more of a bad thing. But I don't know how to change it, I don't know how to stop it. But to be honest, I don't know if I want to.